Ooh, that's cute, isn't it? Sometimes I want that. That is the almost constant refrain I hear from my 4-year-old when we are out these days. Sometimes she's referring to a hat she sees someone wearing; other times, it's an item in a store or something she spies someone holding on an afternoon walk. She's entered consumer culture.
Maybe everything is exciting and desirable because she's spent half her life living in a pandemic and is only now routinely going into stores. Perhaps it's simply her age.
Our exposure to consumerism begins before we can even speak. "Our attitudes, preferences, and habits are formed like stalagmites, one small drip at a time that over the years forms immovable structures," Jim Wasserman, a teacher of consumer economics and media literacy, tells me.
What does that mean? That everything from the color shirt your mum wore when you were a baby to the sweet treat a beloved relative was known for sneaking you as a child plays into the subconscious and fuels the things we want to buy. Still, some of us gravitate more toward consumerism than others. Some of you probably didn't buy anything over the Black Friday/Small Saturday/Cyber Monday/Travel Tuesday kick-off to the end of the year. My very exciting purchases involved dog food, sadly not on sale, and a pair of Chelsea boots to replace the ones the dog ate. I do, however, have a long holiday gift list. I am not a zero-gift person.
I find it a joy to wander around the small stores in my town, thinking of the perfect item for my loved ones. And I'm someone for whom objects hold cherished memories—unlocking my door with the fish keychain my godson gave me years ago makes me think of him and his family, while seeing the purple Murano glass earrings from my grandmother has me remembering a Thanksgiving spent together in Italy. I'm also entirely in support of spoiling children around the holidays. But I'm, of course, aware of the challenges of our consumption lifestyle.
Over consumption is a significant driver of the climate crisis. Between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day, Americans produce 25 percent more waste than usual. Nearly 80 percent of Black Friday purchases end up in landfill, often after only being used once.
How do I balance knowing that with buying things? How do I teach my daughter about responsible purchasing?
Several years ago, for a Good Housekeeping article, I spoke with mom, entrepreneur and organic farmer Merel Kriegsman about the tricky balance of not wanting your child to feel guilty for having desires but also wanting them to think about the ethics behind their purchases. She told me then that she uses stores to inspire her daughters to ask important questions such as, 'Where does this come from?'
"When Ava, my oldest, asks for something such as a new toy, I'll ask, 'Do you think you might have a friend that has that and has outgrown it? Can we find it in secondhand stores? I want them to think about the most ethical way to get what they want," Merel says.
I routinely apply this to talking about food, especially when it comes to food like local yogurt we can buy directly from a farmer we know. And we've talked about it in terms of why our car is quieter than other cars. It uses a different type of fuel that is better for animals and for little kids and more and more people will be using that type of fuel as they need new cars (obviously, this is simplistic, there are plenty of negatives to electric cars, but our talks will evolve as she gets older).
I'm starting to apply it to all of the Ooh, that's cute, isn't it? Sometimes I want that items. OK— is it good for you, the planet, and the people who made it? If the answer to any two of those is no, we're probably not going to end up with it. At least not with it new. Is this a perfect answer to lessons about consumption? No, but it’s a start. I'm aware that anytime I buy something, I'm making a choice about the world I want to create. I hope that as my daughter grows and practices these critical-thinking skills, she'll be able to apply them to future problems — issues that probably haven't even come up for us yet.
Here are a few additional tips for consuming less this holiday season (and all year long):
If you want to avoid exchanging gifts, it's best to explain that sooner rather than later. And accept that some people will buy you gifts anyways. Thank them for thinking of you.
When purchasing gifts, shop locally if you can and/or secondhand.
Give experiences like a show, adventure, annual pass or trip to a beloved eatery.
Give actual memories such as photo books or photography shoots.
Wrap gifts in newspaper or kids' art (you were going to throw it away anyways).
How are you handling over consumption this holiday season?
~ Bridget
P.S. Here are a few things that I've been working on:
A Young Oyster Farmer Carrying on the Family Business for Civil Eats, Meet the Maine Teenager-Turned-Landscaper Thanks to Grazing Goats for Modern Farmer, and 9 fabulous fall getaways in (and near) Connecticut for Connecticut Magazine.
I love the idea of wrapping gifts with kids’ artwork. I always feel bad about how much of it I recycle!